Continuing on from where we left off with a positive home pregnancy test on the morning of September 27...
The same day I found out we were pregnant again, I had my first appointment with my OB. After losing our first pregnancy, and upon hearing we were pregnant again, the doctor wanted me to come in immediately for some confirmation blood tests and a check-up. I chose to visit a different office than the gynecologist's office I had been visiting. Namely because that gynecologist's office had now been 0 for 2 in correctly determining whether or not I was pregnant (they had mistakenly told me that I wasn't pregnant with baby #1 as well), and I just wasn't feeling positive vibes from them. Now, I am so happy that I made the switch. Dr. B's office is much more comfortable, the nurses are so sweet and helpful, and Dr. B himself is great. So, on the afternoon of the 27th, B and I popped into the doctor's office, met with the doctor, filled out some paperwork and then had our first ultrasound. We were so excited.
But not for long...
Because there was nothing there. Nothing to be seen. The technician said that it was very normal for an early pregnancy to be undetectable on ultrasound. She said that they usually can't see anything until 4 weeks or later, so most likely, I was not even 4 weeks pregnant at this point. She sent me for blood tests to check my hormone levels and then sent me on my way. I got a call back from the nurse the next day - Friday - confirming my pregnancy with the blood hormone level test results. However, the nurse then uttered the chilling words, "Your hormone levels are putting you at about 5 weeks. We are not sure why we couldn't see anything on ultrasound. We'd like you to come in again on Monday so we can do another ultrasound. There is a possibility that this could be an ectopic pregnancy." Those words, falling upon the ears of a vulnerable, wannabe-mama like me, were like salt in an open wound. Painful. Tear-inducing. Harsh.
I worried for most of the weekend. I worried about it being ectopic. I worried about wanting the pregnancy so much, I would somehow make it ectopic - jinxing myself, in effect. I worried about how long we would have to wait to try again if it was ectopic. I worried about the surgery necessary to remove an ectopic pregnancy and it's effects on the ovaries. I worried about the possibility of even losing an ovary. I worried about it not being ectopic and miscarrying again. I worried about everything I could think of to worry about. And then some. And then, at one point, I remember driving along the road at lunchtime, getting off the exit for our street and feeling a sense of total peace wash over me. I remember hearing the words, "This is happening, Jessica." And from that point on, I just knew. I knew that it was the Lord speaking to me. I knew He was trying to comfort and reassure me. To let me know that this pregnancy was happening; that it was His plan. And I knew that those words were meant to stop me in my anxiety-ridden tracks. Meant to make me move over and allow God some room to work. To appreciate the miracle He'd given us and not ruin it with fear and worry.
On the following Monday morning, Baby Boy showed up as a small blurb - a little black dot - on the ultrasound screen. Tiny, but very, very much there. And he's been holding fast every since. And you know what? It's been the craziest thing. Since hearing that reassurance at the beginning of the pregnancy, I have't worried nearly as much throughout the following weeks as I thought I would. I assumed that I would be a nervous wreck - especially at the infamous 8 week mark. But, surprisingly, I've been relatively calm and relaxed. It's been such an unexpected blessing; and I know Baby Boy has appreciated the low stress environment too. As you know, we decided to keep the pregnancy a secret until well into the second trimester. I don't regret that a bit. But it sure was nice to get through the first weeks of pregnancy without the black cloud of doom I just assumed I would have hanging over me after the miscarriage experience. I've still had my days where the worry has threatened to close in, but have been doing my best to stay positive, stay healthy and stay stress-free. Which doesn't come naturally to me.
As you can see, this pregnancy hasn't been your average pee-on-a-stick and celebrate immediately kind of pregnancy. But it's still our greatest blessing. And I wouldn't trade it for the world! This pretty much catches you up on how our little man came to be. Let it not be said that he didn't arrive in style. Or without a little drama.
Speaking of which - a recap of our gender reveal and how we told our parents to come!
Are you 'babied' out yet?